I thought deeply if I was truly ready to share my struggle with anxiety for some time now. But something was telling me that it was time. Maybe there are others out there struggling just like me. Or maybe there are others out there who have been able to overcome their anxiety and share their story. Or maybe my continuing story and journey will help someone Else at some point. Which ever it may be God willing.
I started to suffer from anxiety about two years ago, not too long after our third daughter was born. It seems like a long time to actually suffer from anxiety but it didn't start out as rough. It really didn't phase me to much then either. On a scale from one to ten with ten being the worst, right now I am probably a nine. About two years ago I probably started at around a four. I often wonder how did I get to this point. How did I become a sufferer of anxiety? Why did it choose me? Was I too weak and let it come in? Even though I've always thought of myself as a strong women. Now I can't seem to shake this. Which makes me start to feel even more frustration at times.
I start to feel the defeat. I often feel like anxiety rules me and my life I live. I have anxiety in my car daily. Or pretty much everywhere I go in public. I have panic attacks daily when dropping my daughter off at school and when I pick her up. My anxiety has become to the point at times where I couldn't leave my home. I have finally became a prisoner in my own home. Of course I still drive my daughters to school because I have no choice. But that is it. Even doing just that almost makes my literally physically sick. So now I keep bags in the seat next to me. Once I have left a half full grocery cart when I tried to conquer my anxiety and a panic attack in a grocery store. Now I make a grocery list and my husband does the shopping for me. I hope to someday grow the courage to do the grocery shopping again. After all it use to be my little escape from the home once a week.
I am finally at the point where I am ready to face my anxiety head on. I have choose not to go to therapy. I want to do this on my own and through my blog. I have started my first step through reflection. A lot of reflection of where about it started from and why. I think if I can possibly figure out why I started to suffer from anxiety I can go from there. Most importantly work through it with God. With God anything is possible. I hope to find a good book that can guide me or maybe even a good blog. Also finding my comforts places and things that comfort me. Obviously my home is my known comfort place and my parents home that I visit. Coffee is a thing that also is a comfort. I literally drink is all day everyday. No worries I don't drink strong coffee. What did you comfort yourself with?
If you have never suffered do you know someone who has? Do you have a good book to recommend?
7 comments
Meds. At first it seems scary, like so SO scary of a word. Being medicated just to function doesn't seem right. Like you should somehow be able to overcome it yourself. And while the steps like reflection, re-evaluating your thinking process, or a focus on what's truly important are necessary to managing anxiety, it's sooo much easier to do when your brain is functioning properly. I too suffer from anxiety, the way it affects me is I can't sleep and I can't stop crying. I went to therapy and that was helpful because my priorities were out of whack but after the meds kicked in, my quality of life improved. Looking back it felt almost as if my brain was broken, and just like a broken leg it needs some help to heal properly. You don't have to suffer anymore, you don't deserve to suffer anymore. And remember: a mental disorder is a part of you but it does not DEFINE you.
Thank you so much!! My family Doctor has tried one medications so far. I had to take myself off of it because it made me so sick. So I feel like I want to try it without the medications now. Although I do believe 100 percent what your saying. Thank you so much for your kind words.
Kaitlyn
Daniel suffered so bad from anxiety when I first met him. He was on very strong doses of medication for anxiety and sleep just so he could go to work and back home without panic attacks. Now were to the point where he only needs to take something maybe once a week...if were going to be around large groups of people or in a high stress situation. Something that really helped was breathing exercises and meditation tapes ( I loved it too) but the biggest thing was nailing down what was causing the anxiety. Once he knew he just started taking small steps over the last few years and he feels 100 times better. I think its a long and hard process, but if you can commit to it, you have all the power you need within you to overcome it without meds or therapy ( though I know in alot of cases like Daniels they can be very helpful). Praying for you :)
Oh, I'm so sorry that you are struggling with this! I am sure that there are some excellent and faith-oriented books on dealing with anxiety out there, but I can't think of any off of the top of my head. "Roll Away Your Stone" by Dutch Sheets is an excellent book which deals with how to combat persistent strongholds and problems that you know are not what God's promises say you ought to have in your life, but persist anyways. That's a book that has helped me a lot in areas where I struggle, and it's not specifically for the case of anxiety, but it would apply. I hope you are able to come through this even stronger!
Hi Kaitlyn, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this awful anxiety. I'm not a doctor, but I wonder if your hormones were out of balance, or whatever they call it, after you had your third baby and that's what triggered your anxiety. After the birth of my son, I had terrible anxiety. I was afraid to leave the house too because of irrational fears that something might happen to him. I was lucky. Over time, it got better on its own.
My concern for you is that anxiety is one of those things that can get worse over time in some cases. I know you don't want to take medicine, but there are a lot of options these days and side effects like nausea usually go away after just a few days once your body gets used to the drug. I wish you the very best of luck no matter how you decide to tackle this. It sounds like you want to get better and that is a fantastic start. Hang in there:) You can do it!!! Visiting from the TGIF blog hop via the lovely Jessica Azar.
Thank you so much Jennifer for you kind words and thoughts! Sometimes we are our own best Doctors though right?! :) You are right now about RX side affects subsiding after a few days up to a couple weeks even. I was told that by my family Doctor. I was possibly thinking about trying a different anxiety RX that is not an "everyday" to get my through IF and when I were to need it for emergencies. Because you are correct, it could be helpful. It could look at as a helping hand and not as a permanent thing. :)
Kaitlyn
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