I'm A Prisoner In My Own Home Because I suffer From Anxiety

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.

I almost feel like that may be putting it lightly. Maybe saying anxiety rules my life is more like it?  Have you ever suffered from anxiety before or maybe you are right now? Then the intro would make more sense to you. I'd also love to hear from you in a comment below.

I thought deeply if I was truly ready to share my struggle with anxiety for some time now. But something was telling me that it was time. Maybe there are others out there struggling just like me. Or maybe there are others out there who have been able to overcome their anxiety and share their story. Or maybe my continuing story and journey will help someone Else at some point. Which ever it may be God willing.

I started to suffer from anxiety about two years ago, not too long after our third daughter was born. It seems like a long time to actually suffer from anxiety but it didn't start out as rough. It really didn't phase me to much then either. On a scale from one to ten with ten being the worst, right now I am probably a nine. About two years ago I probably started at around a four. I often wonder how did I get to this point. How did I become a sufferer of anxiety? Why did it choose me? Was I too weak and let it come in? Even though I've always thought of myself as a strong women. Now I can't seem to shake this. Which makes me start to feel even more frustration at times.

I start to feel the defeat. I often feel like anxiety rules me and my life I live. I have anxiety in my car daily. Or pretty much everywhere I go in public. I have panic attacks daily when dropping my daughter off at school and when I pick her up. My anxiety has become to the point at times where I couldn't leave my home. I have finally became a prisoner in my own home. Of course I still drive my daughters to school because I have no choice. But that is it. Even doing just that almost makes my literally physically sick. So now I keep bags in the seat next to me. Once I have left a half full grocery cart when I tried to conquer my anxiety and a panic attack in a grocery store. Now I make a grocery list and my husband does the shopping for me. I hope to someday grow the courage to do the grocery shopping again. After all it use to be my little escape from the home once a week.

I am finally at the point where I am ready to face my anxiety head on. I have choose not to go to therapy. I want to do this on my own and through my blog. I have started my first step through reflection. A lot of reflection of where about it started from and why. I think if I can possibly figure out why I started to suffer from anxiety I can go from there. Most importantly work through it with God. With God anything is possible. I hope to find a good book that can guide me or maybe even a good blog. Also finding my comforts places and things that comfort me. Obviously my home is my known comfort place and my parents home that I visit. Coffee is a thing that also is a comfort. I literally drink is all day everyday. No worries I don't drink strong coffee. What did you comfort yourself with?

I'm ready to get back to living life and actually enjoying life with my family.
If you have never suffered do you know someone who has? Do you have a good book to recommend?

           

My Birthday Weekend!

My Birthday weekend was pretty awesome and spent with loving family and friends. I wouldn't have wanted it any another way. Even though not all the plans go according to, I still counted my blessings and enjoyed my weekend of celebrating.
 Friday night we spent it with my amazing family; my parents along with my brother and his girlfriend and of course all the kids. That was seven kids in our house. Maybe a little crazy, but being with family is what it's all about. We ordered pizza and enjoyed each others company.
 Saturday morning I had a surprise call from my parents; my dad was going to babysit my daughters while my mother took me out for lunch and shopping. Something they knew I desperately needed. I enjoyed the time out spending it with my own mother. I was pretty excited I got 4 shirts and a pair of high waist jeans. Yes you read high waist jeans; I have been looking all over for them. I officially feel like I'm back in style.

 Later in the evening we were off to my birthday dinner date with another couple. We enjoyed dinner at the Bistro Bella Vita, even though we had an hour wait. I enjoyed my free birthday creme brulee and made sure they did NOT sing "happy birthday". After dinner, we were off to bowl. That was the main thing I wanted to do for my birthday. Your never too old for bowling. I had friends already there and my husband's cousin who I also grew up with; small world! I had so much fun letting lose and just being me. Even though I admit I totally suck at bowling. I decided the loser is the the winner.

To end the lovely weekend, we spent our family time as our usual Sundays. Also of course that involves donuts for breakfast and squeezing in a trip to the grocery store. I feel so thankful my husband and my daughters offered to come along with me because my anxiety is through the roof when I'm alone in public. With that being said I am starting for the first time ever an anxiety prescription. This past year I have been emotionally dragged through mud and developed a severe case if anxiety and slight case of depression. Never have I thought I would have to medicate myself; therefore I'm having a hard time with this. On the positive side, I had an amazing birthday weekend and I have an awesome supporting family.

I am asking for all prayers for this prescription causes nausea for the first week starting it. God bless!