What They Don't Tell You About Joint Custody

My Ex Husband and I have had joint custody now for almost two years. I was against the whole idea of joint custody in the beginning of the divorce proceedings. My thoughts were, there was no way I will be without my Daughters for five days strait. After sitting through three mediation's we finally came to an agreement that joint custody would be best for our Daughters. It has proven statistics through the court system that equal time with both supporting parents is less stressful on the girls. It honestly took me a while to understand that part. Being a stay at home mom they were use to me being there for them 24/7. From sunrise to sundown and those middle of the night "Mom" calls. I've learned joint custody is a roller coast of emotions. I had no one else to share or prepare me for what I was about to go through. Here is what I have learned about joint custody.

  1. It never gets any easier. Just when you think you got this emotional roller coaster under control, you don't. The beginning will break your heart. Literally ripped out and stomped on the ground kind of break your heart. It will take time for the kids to get use to it as well. Until then there will be screaming, clinging and don't leave me battles. My Daughters had a hard time adjusting at first leaving me as I did them. We still have a hard time but can manage our emotions a lot better. 
  2. You will cry. A LOT. I cry every single time right after parenting time exchanges still to this day. I cry when the house is to quiet. In the beginning of our divorce I would sit in my Daughters bedrooms and cry on the floor. I couldn't tell you how many times I prayed to God to help me through the new transitions. I hated the quietness and being alone. 
  3. You may think you'll enjoy the quiet time while they are away at their Dads, but the silence will make you miss the more than ever. You'll miss the laughter, the fighting and the feet running around the house. Everyone talks about how they look forward to the "me" time and I don't yet full comprehend it. I fill up my me time with work, family, friends and cleaning. I still can't find myself just sitting in a quiet house without my Daughters. 
  4. You will miss the bedtime stories and kisses on the nights they are at their Dads. You'll treasure the bedtime battles more than ever when they are home. 
  5. You learn that cooking isn't fun for one or two people. You look forward to family dinner when they get home and not care so much about the clean up. 
  6. When you see other kids you will start to miss your own and want them home instantly. 
  7. You will learn you don't like to share your kids but know you have to do the right thing because they have two loving parents. 
  8. You will still have almost daily communication with your children's other parent.
  9. You will learn how to put hurt aside just to make joint custody work for the kids. 
  10. You never want your kids to choose a side, or make them feel guilty. You have to remember as parents you both love them and want to spend just as much time with them. You will never take parenting for granted. You look forward to them running into your arms after being away at their Dads. 

Through out my blog I will be sharing posts about blended families, custody and divorce. I didn't know a whole lot going into these subjects. I have had a lot of learn as you go. Please feel free to comment below. 
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