The Fear Of Anxiety Is Real

photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/Prov31Ministries?fref=nf

The fear of anxiety is real. So real that it can often be well...scary.

I have suffered from sever anxiety since our youngest Daughter turned one. We honestly do not know what seemed to cause it. To me it felt like it came out of know where like a brick wall. Although it possibly could have been a slow slow start that I didn't feel coming on. Or didn't pay attention to because I have always been an outgoing friendly person and had a hard time wanting to just sit still in our home. I still don't know where it came from completely.

flashback
So ( I hate starting sentences with so ) a few posts ago I opened up with my readers about who I am. What makes me...well me! It really brought you all in and you all loved that I opened up and told everyone who I am deep down. Readers like to know who the blogger is. Which I love for my readers to truly know who I truly am. I am not just words on the computer/ phone screen...I am a human. Therefore I wanted to write once I came across this photo below about my sever anxiety. I felt from my heart to share because there are so many out there who also suffer from sever or light anxiety.

Anxiety is real. It can destroy so much. Is can cause you to become a prisoner in your own home, life and body. That is if you allow it to like I have.

It finally hit me that I had sever anxiety when I was in our local grocery store...alone...cart packed with groceries, and I was at the farthest end away from the exits of the store and bathrooms. My heart raced. I started to get dizzy. I felt like I all of a sudden had the flu and needed to vomit or faint. I tried to keep pushing the cart and ignore it because at this point I knew I had sever anxiety. I was alone. No kids or Husband were with me this time to help me through it. I ended up pushing the cart into a isle where no one was at and hurried out of the store. Praying that no one saw me. Two years ago I would have never ever thought of doing such a thing!

My anxiety has affected our marriage in many ways. My Husband had to start running our trips to the stores. Our date nights became fewer and fewer. I just couldn't sit in a restaurants without a panic attack. I knew I was putting a large weight on my Husband so I started to feel guilty. With that guilt I started to become emotional behind close doors. Not depressed. I just felt bad he had to do so much for me because I became a prisoner in our own home.

It eventually became an issue as a Mother. My anxiety started acting up when I volunteered at my Daughters school. Therefore that became less and less. I still did but just not as much as I usually would. It broke my heart. I started to cry and wanted to get over my anxiety. I felt trapped. I wanted out. That is when I leaned to God. I prayed because I felt like there was no other options left. I tried medication but that didn't help but to cause even more anxiety. Fancy that!

After a while of praying I came across some options to learn to eat a much healthier and organic way. I learned how to work out more professional in our home. What a difference did that start to make. I started to follow God even more for myself and not others. I researched about sever anxiety and I talked to my Doctor about options besides medication. Because sometimes you need a little extra push to get over that hill.

Today I feel safe to say it's a working progress. It's not nearly as sever as it was. It goes through phases but not as bad! I pray and know someday God will help me through this.