You are no that Mother in that photo. Don't worry that is okay. It is not a bad thing. If anything it is good. You are stronger. You are braver. You are even more outgoing. You know when to cry and when not to...or when to hide it better. You learned you have a voice, feelings and how to control your emotions.
Becoming a new Mother once my third Daughter was born i had no idea what was in store in the near future. You i know it wasn't going to be like my first two Daughters...a breeze. That was until around my third Daughters 12-18 month check-up. I was told about her eyes and she needed to be seen by an Ophthalmologist as soon as possible. That was when she was diagnosed and had to start wearing glasses and the patch. Only to soon learn that was not progressing like that had hoped and she soon would need eye surgery to correct her eyes. She was then two years old and I was having to put a child through a major surgery. I will never forget that day. I still get teary eyed when I think about it...that day with her being so little I am not sure she understood it. I hated watching them roll her away. It still breaks my heart yet it was best for her...because once her eyes healed at home she told me, "Mama I can see better!' Another day I will never ever forget.
That life changing moments, challenge or experience what ever they should be called has changed me as a Mother. I am even more brave and have learned when to hide my crying. I never want to my littlest lady to be scared in these times. So far she loves her eye check-ups ever three months.
I had no idea I would deal with our third Daughter having issues growing for a long while. We had to get her blood work done. Ended with a phone call asking me to discuss her blood work in the Dr. office. They were concerned and asked if I would come right away. I freaked out and called my own Mother in tears in utter panic. All I could think driving there was, "What the heck could be wrong?!" Turned out it wasn't too serious. Some levels are off and a little odd. Our littlest is going back in for more blood work this week. Asking for prayers!
Sometimes Motherhood gives us trials that we don't understand always and that is okay. Somewhere down the road there is a lesson or they just simply make us stronger as a Mother.
Motherhood has taught me that I have a voice these past three years when my oldest became very ill a year ago. Or we assumed until it lasted at least a month. I knew then it had to be something else. After having to take her in to the ER and still not getting answers. I kept demanding answers and something to be done. Finally she was diagnosed with acid reflux and was treated. I hated being helpless for that time while demanding those answers.
I didn't know as a Mother I was going to go through some of my own challenges and a surgery (6/2014). All while going through these challenges and trying to be the best Mother and Wife really makes you put things in perspective. Really makes you look at life's whole picture. I remember the Month before my brain and spinal MRI I really started to be more in depth with the "girly" things with my three Daughters. You know...teaching them things that they would need to know when their older or so they could do on their own. Things that involve like getting themselves ready and such and Motherly chats. Which is a good thing anyways. Because we just didn't know how my MRI was going to turn out. My husband and I sat down and talked as adults about it and the worst and I cried of course. It wasn't my MRI that I was so nervous about but the possible outcomes that scared me shit less. Excuse my french. Because after all I am a Mother of three beautiful Daughters. It scared me.
When it finally came down to the day of my MRI I think I was numb of emotions. My Husband and I didn't talk about it. He took me, and we didn't talk about it while we waited for me to go in. As It was time for my two hour MRI..I laid down on the skinny table and tears trickled that I tried to hide from the nurse and my lips trembled. I felt alone...in this bright room as they were on the other side of the glass talking to me on the speaker. While I was in there I just listened to country music or at least tried in between the loud noise of the scanning. And when the scanning started which is supper loud even with headphones on I just talked to the good God above. Let me tell you...he sure helped those two hours fly in that skinny tubular MRI. And great news that everything came out clear! praise God!! A week later after finding out we had a "nothing celebration" with a camp fire in our backyard with our Daughters. The best camp fire ever!
Of course there has been mini trials in Motherhood. School issues with my Middle daughters having a tad bit of anxiety. Things a lot of us parents go through.
But these are trials and experiences I have gone through that has changed me as a Mother. That has made me a better Mother today. I look at life differently now. I live life to the fullest. I am a better Mother today than the Mother in that photo above. I know more. I know when to give myself a timeout. I know when my Daughters truly need a bandaid or to just dust it off. I know now when they need me there by their side or to back off a little. I thank God everyday for the life he has blessed me with even though it may not have always been easy and some days filled with tears, there has been many more good days that outweigh the difficult.
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